Weaving Gold

Mokosha, Anastasia Sophia, and Me, Natalia . . . while the books are written

Write Like No One is Reading

I always did enjoy being at the head of the class, so yesterday, before the tower began to crumble, I leapt from it’s top floor. I am tumbling as I begin writing this blog. Thank you for witnessing my fall. For added fun, the Thunderbolt arrives on the day when the moon is new in Scorpio, on the day of a solar eclipse.

“At a solar eclipse, we get to see the planting of the solar seed in the New Moon’s womb, and are therefore more conscious of what the possibilities are for this cycle.  As you can see, solar eclipses create extra powerful New Moons, marking times of major endings and new beginnings to an aspect of your life…”
(CATHY PAGANO from her Wisdom of Astrology via Mystic Mama)

Yesterday, I had a rather brilliant insight:

If you don’t know how to let go, reach for something new with both hands.

I am reaching for experiencing Easy, Joyful Living, Passion, Love, Peace, and Knowing. I am planting a seed of Self-Love. I have completed the phase of life in which I aim to be an exemplary daughter/wife/mother/member of my communities, the phase in which I make my life’s work about teaching or healing others, in which I write so that someone will read and be moved by what I’ve written. I am SHEDDING (do you hear me?) the expectation that A will yield B, and, when it does not, assuming it is because I did something wrong.

Ugh. Even as I write I can see that I’m (again!) expecting a specific result from my plan. I’ll let go of my old ways. I’ll do the new things right. And I will win. Finally! I don’t even know if what I’m seeing in the world and people around me is Truth, or it I am viewing my own projections. I suspect it is the latter.

It seems that my elation of yesterday was premature. I reached for something new with both hands, but left a box of old thinking on my head, obstructing my view and cutting myself off from the world. I leapt in the dress of a beggar, pleading: Please, please. Let this jump be the one that takes me to peace, safety, and security. Oh, yes. I reached with both hands. I meant every word I typed as I wrote and posted. And . . . I’m still here.

I’m still here, with the damned box of mess scrambling my mind, but I am willing to take a quantum leap, without a bungee cord, trusting that the box will be dislodged during my fall.

Write like no one is reading,
As if every page will be burnt,
Bare your soul as if no one is watching,
Let writing be heaven on earth.

with apologies to William Purkey

Inspired by Lyn Thruman‘s October Writing Challenge: Writing the Wisdom of the Soul. Greatly assisted by my OSHO Zen Tarot deck. I am coming back to life, dropping *everything,* and emerging raw, soft, slimy, and as confounded as ever.

Prompt for October 23: The Tower is a reminder that from time to time something comes along to knock us off our feet and throw us on our rump. It throws life into chaos, upsets order and patterns, and leaves us feeling as if we’ve been hit by a tonne of bricks. You can see why The Tower has a bad reputation and it’s terrifying to be in the storm BUT after everything has settled, you can see that it’s a release, a blessing, and an opportunity to rebuild the tower to your specifications.

Tarot images are from my beloved, much-used OSHO Zen Tarot Deck. Click for a sample.