Weaving Gold

Mokosha, Anastasia Sophia, and Me, Natalia . . . while the books are written

7 — Letting Go of the Reins when Writing

Last autumn, I participated in Lyn Thruman’s October Writing Challenge: Writing the Wisdom of the Soul, a writing journey through the major arcana of the Tarot. On October 20 of this year, sitting in silence, I pulled the Fool Card from my OSHO Zen Tarot deck and was drawn to the begin a new loop of the journey. Here I go again.

76a1016017a5975658f1d603dcd8f6efPrompt 8: “Sometimes, lady, you have to just take the reins and be the one in control.” Write about a time when you set your sights on something and you took control/action to make sure you came out victorious. 

October 10, 2014: Answering the Call to Adventure with Yes! is exhilarating and freeing. It is also scary. I remind myself: I’ve done this before. I experienced an A-ha! moment (I should write a book). I followed a trail of synchronicities and joined a writers’ circle. I wrote, hundreds of words per day, for nine months. I submitted query letters. I received rejections. I self-published. I became, I am, a published author.

November 7, 2015: I read the prompt for today, and added, “and sometimes, you have to let go.” At the moment, this is poignantly true for me with respect to my writing.

I started NaNoWriMo with a bang. The words were flowing and I was writing more per day than ever before. Yesterday, inspiration came to a screeching, whip-lash-inducing halt. I was devastated. I made myself do sprints with @NaNoWordSprints, which had been an amazing tool in previous days. I wrote, producing utterly uninspired (and uninspiring) sentences. I quit. For me, there is no point in writing unusable paragraphs.

Dreaming with Horse Spirit

Dreaming with Horse Spirit

My Word Count horse did not respond to my lead, no matter how I spurred it. Worse, I was so entrenched in controlling productivity, that I had choked my Creativity streak.

I am dropping the reins. I am releasing the perverse need to meet my self-imposed daily word count goals. I am setting my creative spirit free. (Do with me what you will, !!! — I just realized that she has a name. Off to listen. Off to learn it. Off to merge with her in friendly partnership.)

Writing Prompt from Lyn Thurman. You can receive the full prompts from Writing the Wisdom of the Soul.

Images are from the Osho Zen Tarot, an amazing, consciousness-expanding deck.


Alchemy of Three


Prompt 2: The Magician brings the tools to write the story. Write about the miracles you want or need to manifest with your miracle-maker kit.  What’s going to make your journey sweeter?

October 2, 2014: The magician has delivered my miracle-maker kit. I am grateful for each item, but I’ve been on The Journey long enough to know that it is I who am the miracle-maker, or not. Tools can be useful, but they are inert. I must determine how and when to wield them.

October 21, 2015: I need a miracle, specifically, to be infused with an alchemical blend of inspiration, passion, and stamina. I thought, almost wrote, that I need inspiration mixed with discipline, but discipline is a stale ingredient, one that served me well in my old world but has no place here, now. In my old world, requirements were clear. I understood the rules, operated in accordance with them, and achieved expected outcomes. In the world that is emerging for/in/through me, rules have been scattered in winds, sizzled in infernos, drowned in tsunamis, suffocated in swamps.

Not long ago, most people grew, sewed, built, and otherwise created what they needed. Today, I can subsist without creating anything. But subsisting is not satisfying, so I must create meaning-beauty-luminosity with/in/through me. It has become impossible to fake it, bewildering to know which way or why or how to go.

I need a miracle. I need to be infused with an alchemical blend of inspiration, passion, and stamina, so that I may write, create, and live.

Writing Prompt from Lyn Thurman. You can receive the full prompts from Writing the Wisdom of the Soul.

Images are from the Osho Zen Tarot, an amazing, consciousness-expanding deck.

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Letting Humanness Be

On October, 1, 2014, a Fool stepped from the a cliff, and my journey through the tarot began. At embarkation, I though I was traveling a mere eighteen inches, from head to heart. I knew the distance was more daunting than it seemed, but still, it was a small adjustment, I convinced myself, from thinking to feeling; from analyzing to sensing; from rigidity to softness.

The guides I encountered, disappointed. The High Priestess handed me a scroll that was to reveal my the secret of my highest potential, but it burned in my hands before I could decipher its words. The Empress held up a mirror to show me that I’ve got this thing called life in hand, but I continue to feel inept. The Emperor reassured me, saying, “You are safe,” but left me the next day, just the same. The Hierophant demanded that I profess my secret knowledge, but I ended up announcing that I can teach others no thing.

In the second week of my journey, revelation! The cards revealed my passion for Adventure and exploring mysteries through writing, and they promised it would be easy. I crafted a contract between the Eternal part of me and the me that is typing. I secured ease, abundance, and flow in writing. I integrated, transformed, transmuted, and released, everything, over and over. I attempted to shake it all up, to create harmony, but I failed. I felt nothing. I did nothing. I waited.

I am waiting . . . some more . . . again. I am breaking the chains of society’s conditioning and opinions, and letting them rust and disintegrate. I am emerging from dark and formless roots, hoping that wings will unfurl and allow me to fly. I am discovering my own true nature and am determined to live in accordance with it.

I am waiting . . . some more . . . again. I am dreaming impossible, improbable dreams. And I am letting it be.

Inspired by Lyn Thruman‘s October Writing Challenge: Writing the Wisdom of the Soul. I am playing and believing, amidst continuing confusion.

Prompt for October 30: The World is the feeling of wholeness and happiness that comes when everything lines up perfectly, usually part through our own efforts and part as a gift from the Universe (for playing so nicely).

Write about the journey you’ve taken through the different tarot cards in this challenge. What did you discover about yourself? What days/cards were the easiest and what were the hardest?


Born to Be Wild

Tiger and Magician by SkyRe

Wild thing, I think I love you
But I wanna know for sure
Come on, hold me tight, I love you


Oh, Natalia,

How long must I walk beside you? How many images and songs must I send to your mind, before you acknowledge what you know to be true? You are a Wild Thing.

One weekend in 2011, you lay yourself bare on a ridge in New Mexico, willing to meet yourself. You received my message: grasses, flowers, and mosses are as wild as herds of stampeding caribou and bold, roaring lionesses. You felt your wildness as woman emerging from earth. You perceived that your way of being unrestrained in pursuit of pleasure was perfect for you; that bending with the wind, rushing in torrents around standing stones, and sprouting green and beautiful from between crevices, are all manifestations of wild.

Then, you forgot. Your insight was swept away by the everydayness of living, by getting lost in internet rabbit holes, by caring for children, and feeding a family. You neglected, again and again, your wild essence.

Now can be the time when your wildness emerges, grows, and blossoms. The choice is, as always, yours. You have met the challenge of rocks and stones in your path. You’ve lain dormant in drought and through long winters. Now can be the springtime of your life. You can send a shoot from the seed.

True, the sprout will be soft and fragile. The seed could have survived for millennia. For the sprout, dangers abound. Know that the sun always shines on and from those who know they are ready and worthy.

You are a Wild Thing, Natalia. You have strength and courage. You have a natural propensity to survive, grow, and bloom. But you must choose, Natalia. You must choose.

Be brave, little one. Be brave.

Your White Tiger Aspect


Wild thing, you make my heart sing
You make everything groovy, wild thing
Come on , Come on wild thing




Inspired by Lyn Thruman‘s October Writing Challenge: Writing the Wisdom of the Soul. I am expanding, evolving, shaking in my shoes, and preparing to write.

Prompt for October 13: Switch places with the lion and tap into the wildness that you normally keep controlled and placated.  Let your inner lion write a letter to explain where it needs more freedom to roam, where control could be lessened, and what the consequences could be if you follow its advice.

Tiger and Magician by SkyeRe