Weaving Gold

Mokosha, Anastasia Sophia, and Me, Natalia . . . while the books are written

Aware of Myself

0495f949f6d45af589dd208e5a861345Prompt 5: The Emperor is a director and overseer, bringing order where chaos can reign supreme.  He’s logic, reason, experience, and boundary protection. Write about where you could use the energy of The Emperor to protect your boundaries. Where are you allowing energy or time leaks to occur?

October 7, 2014: Chaos is reigning in my beautiful, orderly life. It is rampaging through every cell in my body. It is wreaking havoc, destroying every idea and ideal that I’ve held.

October 27, 2015: I have been leaking, bleeding, energy and time, for almost four years. I have been purged, emptied, and depleted. My boundaries have kept me safe, and isolated. No thing and no persons were allowed in, even when I yearned to be nourished, replenished, and connected. The Emperor did his job well.

Now is the time to be the Emperor. I do not need to fight against anybody or anything. I am rising. My true nature is revealed. I shall live in accordance with my magnificence.

“One cannot be humble and aware of oneself at the same time.”
― Madeleine L’EngleA Circle of Quiet

Writing Prompt from Lyn Thurman. You can receive the full prompts from Writing the Wisdom of the Soul.

Images are from the Osho Zen Tarot, an amazing, consciousness-expanding deck.

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Here I Go Again

IMG_1316In the cycle of seasons, autumn is a time of completion. Trees bear last fruit and drop leaves. Gardens yield late produce. Animals prepare for hibernation. The time for dormancy approaches.

Inculcated with decades of September school-year starts, I am out of sync with nature. For me, fall is the time for beginnings. I am dusting off works in progress and fall cleaning. I am preparing to write and create.

Last autumn, I participated in Lyn Thruman’s October Writing Challenge: Writing the Wisdom of the Soul, a writing journey through the major arcana of the TarotThis morning, sitting in silence, I pulled the Fool Card from my OSHO Zen Tarot deck and was drawn to the begin a new loop of the journey. Here I go again.


OSHO Zen Tarot

Prompt 1: Write about a journey you want to take in life…

October 1, 2014: The journey I want to take has been called “the longest journey you will make in your life.”  The path I wish to travel is from my head to my heart.

October 20, 2015: One year later, I want to take a more tangible journey, one with a simple (if not easy) goal. I intend to travel metaphorically, literally writing to the end the novel I started almost a year ago.

I had mixed feelings about joining NaNoWriMo last year, but a story dropped into my head, so jumped in. I intended to complete a light-hearted novella by November 30, 2014, for a NaNoWin. The idea introduced itself to me as fun and easy, a way to play with writing before I got back to my Big Serious WIP. The concept is fun and easy, but writing it has challenged me.

I wrote, and then I didn’t write. I was inspired, and then I was drained, distracted, and detoured. My excuses reasons are common. Life/obligations/laziness got in the way. Sometimes, I neglected butt in chair time, but often, even when I sat, everything perfectly prepared and aligned, words refused to come. I half-wanted to quit many times, but the idea of Zirka’s Zany Zenanigans is persistent. It wants to see itself in print.

Recently, I’ve been re-inspired. Playing Menna van Praag’s Sentence Game reminded me that writing is fun, and Menna has pointed out that I’m good at it. I’ve also been listening to Elizabeth Gilbert’s Big Magic podcasts and book. I am in love with Liz’s approach to and relationship with creativity.

So, here I am on Day 0, stepping off the cliff, leaving past failures and uncertainties behind (may they become compost for a field of poppies). I trust that I will travel by typing to the end of my manuscript and that Zirka’s Zany Zenanigans will soon be in the hands of an agent and publisher. One. Two. Three. Step.


Write Like No One is Reading

I always did enjoy being at the head of the class, so yesterday, before the tower began to crumble, I leapt from it’s top floor. I am tumbling as I begin writing this blog. Thank you for witnessing my fall. For added fun, the Thunderbolt arrives on the day when the moon is new in Scorpio, on the day of a solar eclipse.

“At a solar eclipse, we get to see the planting of the solar seed in the New Moon’s womb, and are therefore more conscious of what the possibilities are for this cycle.  As you can see, solar eclipses create extra powerful New Moons, marking times of major endings and new beginnings to an aspect of your life…”
(CATHY PAGANO from her Wisdom of Astrology via Mystic Mama)

Yesterday, I had a rather brilliant insight:

If you don’t know how to let go, reach for something new with both hands.

I am reaching for experiencing Easy, Joyful Living, Passion, Love, Peace, and Knowing. I am planting a seed of Self-Love. I have completed the phase of life in which I aim to be an exemplary daughter/wife/mother/member of my communities, the phase in which I make my life’s work about teaching or healing others, in which I write so that someone will read and be moved by what I’ve written. I am SHEDDING (do you hear me?) the expectation that A will yield B, and, when it does not, assuming it is because I did something wrong.

Ugh. Even as I write I can see that I’m (again!) expecting a specific result from my plan. I’ll let go of my old ways. I’ll do the new things right. And I will win. Finally! I don’t even know if what I’m seeing in the world and people around me is Truth, or it I am viewing my own projections. I suspect it is the latter.

It seems that my elation of yesterday was premature. I reached for something new with both hands, but left a box of old thinking on my head, obstructing my view and cutting myself off from the world. I leapt in the dress of a beggar, pleading: Please, please. Let this jump be the one that takes me to peace, safety, and security. Oh, yes. I reached with both hands. I meant every word I typed as I wrote and posted. And . . . I’m still here.

I’m still here, with the damned box of mess scrambling my mind, but I am willing to take a quantum leap, without a bungee cord, trusting that the box will be dislodged during my fall.

Write like no one is reading,
As if every page will be burnt,
Bare your soul as if no one is watching,
Let writing be heaven on earth.

with apologies to William Purkey

Inspired by Lyn Thruman‘s October Writing Challenge: Writing the Wisdom of the Soul. Greatly assisted by my OSHO Zen Tarot deck. I am coming back to life, dropping *everything,* and emerging raw, soft, slimy, and as confounded as ever.

Prompt for October 23: The Tower is a reminder that from time to time something comes along to knock us off our feet and throw us on our rump. It throws life into chaos, upsets order and patterns, and leaves us feeling as if we’ve been hit by a tonne of bricks. You can see why The Tower has a bad reputation and it’s terrifying to be in the storm BUT after everything has settled, you can see that it’s a release, a blessing, and an opportunity to rebuild the tower to your specifications.

Tarot images are from my beloved, much-used OSHO Zen Tarot Deck. Click for a sample.


Born to Be Wild

Tiger and Magician by SkyRe

Wild thing, I think I love you
But I wanna know for sure
Come on, hold me tight, I love you


Oh, Natalia,

How long must I walk beside you? How many images and songs must I send to your mind, before you acknowledge what you know to be true? You are a Wild Thing.

One weekend in 2011, you lay yourself bare on a ridge in New Mexico, willing to meet yourself. You received my message: grasses, flowers, and mosses are as wild as herds of stampeding caribou and bold, roaring lionesses. You felt your wildness as woman emerging from earth. You perceived that your way of being unrestrained in pursuit of pleasure was perfect for you; that bending with the wind, rushing in torrents around standing stones, and sprouting green and beautiful from between crevices, are all manifestations of wild.

Then, you forgot. Your insight was swept away by the everydayness of living, by getting lost in internet rabbit holes, by caring for children, and feeding a family. You neglected, again and again, your wild essence.

Now can be the time when your wildness emerges, grows, and blossoms. The choice is, as always, yours. You have met the challenge of rocks and stones in your path. You’ve lain dormant in drought and through long winters. Now can be the springtime of your life. You can send a shoot from the seed.

True, the sprout will be soft and fragile. The seed could have survived for millennia. For the sprout, dangers abound. Know that the sun always shines on and from those who know they are ready and worthy.

You are a Wild Thing, Natalia. You have strength and courage. You have a natural propensity to survive, grow, and bloom. But you must choose, Natalia. You must choose.

Be brave, little one. Be brave.

Your White Tiger Aspect


Wild thing, you make my heart sing
You make everything groovy, wild thing
Come on , Come on wild thing




Inspired by Lyn Thruman‘s October Writing Challenge: Writing the Wisdom of the Soul. I am expanding, evolving, shaking in my shoes, and preparing to write.

Prompt for October 13: Switch places with the lion and tap into the wildness that you normally keep controlled and placated.  Let your inner lion write a letter to explain where it needs more freedom to roam, where control could be lessened, and what the consequences could be if you follow its advice.

Tiger and Magician by SkyeRe


Passion for Adventure

I am worthy of…


…enjoying all of my signs of prosperity.

…enlightenment. Yes, the whole, big thing.

…experiencing love, joy, and excitement.


I wrote the above in response to a self-love exercise at Magic and Wisdom. Then, I proceeded to Writing the Wisdom of the Soul by drawing cards in a diamond spread, using the OSHO Zen Tarot. My intention: Help me understand and live my passions.

I know some of my passions:

  • an amazing life partner
  • children who delight me
  • writing
  • homeopathy
  • being kind
  • evolution
  • sovereignty
  • travel
  • joyful living

I wanted the cards to reveal My Passion. And so they did.

Elucidation! My Passion is Adventure.

  • If there is a food I’ve never seen on the menu or on the farmer’s stand, I taste it.
  • I travel and explore — everywhere!
  • I read amazing, mind-expnading books.
  • I engage in inspiring and exciting exchanges of ideas.
  • I hike great, remote trails.
  • I live with the Hutsuls for months.
  • I enter my family crypt in Lviv.
  • I tremble with joy and passion.
  • I feel freedom and joy in movement.
  • I float in bliss.
  • I connect with and understand the wisdom of the World.

I embrace Infinite Possibiliteis with the trusting spirit of a child: innocent, open, and vulnerable.

The world is my home. I play.

Inspired by Lyn Thrumans October Writing Challenge: Writing the Wisdom of the Soul. I am expanding, evolving, and playing.

Prompt for October 9: “There are always choices to be made,” whispers the angel so not to disturb the naked couple who appear to be frozen. “And if you make the right choices, it leads to healing and spiritual connection.”

“How do I know if I make the right choice?” you ask.

“Passion pushes you towards it and your heart beats in time with the choice.  You let your heart decide. Your soul speaks through your heart.”

Write about your passions.  In particular, write about the passions that push your heart in directions you’re not brave enough (yet) to explore.


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