Weaving Gold

Mokosha, Anastasia Sophia, and Me, Natalia . . . while the books are written

Shining Stillness

I am
in moment of coming full circle
in a lifeline of spiral oops
a life, in which, each end, is a beginning

I am
doing my best to do nothing
doing nothing while doing it all
be-ing, breathe-ing, shine-ing



Inspired by Lyn Thruman‘s October Writing Challenge: Writing the Wisdom of the Soul. I am coming back to life, dropping *everything,* and emerging raw, soft, slimy, and as confounded as ever.

Prompt for October 24: Take a walk down the Hollywood Walk of Fame and find your own star. It’s not for being in entertainment, but for being an awesome human being. Write about why you deserve the star, and take the opportunity to remind yourself how amazing you are and all of your achievements.


The Secret to Letting Go

For  years, I’ve been getting the message to let go and allow. Throughout this writing challenge, every card reminds me that it is not the destination, but the journey, that matters; that the time is now; that the work is done; that the going will be easy. Despite the pretty pictures and encouraging rhetoric, despite knowing I’ve come a long way and am living a bountiful, beautiful life, there is something missing. I am not fully engaging with Life.

I’ve been aware that I am not a sheep for a long time. In writing, and in my safe spaces, I roar and embrace my wild side. And then, I step out of authenticity and into the world. I find myself amongst sheep, and I baa. I nod my wooly head and walk along with the herd, bleating, mehhhhh.

Handwriting Reveals Secrets

Vimala Rogers claims that handwriting is a reflection of our innermost thoughts and feelings. Years ago, I studied her books. In recent weeks, I’ve been noticing that I’ve been writing the top loop of my cursive f, closed — not every time, but often enough that it stands out. Today, in preparation for an upcoming event, I pulled out a wrote speech in 1987. This was in the dinosaur age, so I unwittingly held a handwriting sample. I could ignore the call to explore the f no longer. My high-school fs did not have an upper loop at all.

photoI call this The Secretary’s f. The top loop, the area of our own unique creativity, is missing. It is often the “f” of someone who does someone else’s work quite well and thoroughly, but has not opened the treasure chest of her own ideas and put them in motion…it carries the consciousness not of service, but of servitude. (133-132, Your Handwriting Can Change Your Life.)

One of these days, I’ll stop being surprised at the insight tools like handwriting analysis provide. Reading Vimala’s words wasn’t so much an A-ha! moment as a validation. Eleven months ago, I called Joe Rumbolo’s radio show for an aura reading from Pamala Oslie. She was giddy with excitement telling me:

You’re violet-yellow. Violet-yellows are visionaries who dream big and touch many people. But, you think you’re blue-tan. You’ve been living the grounded, practical life of blue-tan.

Okay, I’ve got it!

I’ve certainly taken steps, big and small, toward embracing my True Self. I wrote a book subtitled Discovering Our True Selves. But I’m never totally there. Yes, I know there is no there. It’s a journey. I’m ready for the next leg of the trip.

After two years of hearing, “Let go,” and being frustrated that I don’t know how, I received a new insight today:

If you don’t know how to let go, reach for something new with both hands.

Here I go…

Letting go with both hands. Opening.

The Queen of Water brings a time of unboundedness and gratitude for whatever life brings, without any expectations or demands. Neither duty or thought of merit or reward are important. Sensitivity, intuition and compassion are the qualities that shine forth now, dissolving all the obstacles that keep us separate from each other and from the whole. (OSHO Zen Tarot)


Inspired by Lyn Thruman‘s October Writing Challenge: Writing the Wisdom of the Soul. I am exhausted and confused, so confused. 

Prompt for October 22: The Devil is the chap who keeps us from living fully because we give that power to him.  We tie ourselves up in materialism, limiting beliefs, our histories, excuses, and fears. The power to be free lies in defeating The Devil —to face the shadows and love him enough to set ourselves free.

Excuses, excuses, excuses. Write about the excuses you give to yourself (or others) so you don’t have to fully engage with life or face your fears.




The Eagle and the Elf

Harmoniously Balanced Cocktail of Life

1 part essence of Eagle, for power and aloneness
1 part essence of Swan, for grace and friendship
1 part writers
1 part readers
1 part Fire
1 part Water
1 part Darkness
1 part Light
1 part Yin
1 part Yang
1 part Moon
1 part Sun

Blend gently so that parts retain unique flavors. Sip on a quiet beach at sunset.


How lovely it would be if that were the drink of life?

Instead, I am struggling to see the alchemical potential of Eagle and elf. (ELF is an acronym for Evil Little F**k that I learned from Dain Heer. The article that explains the concept of rattlesnakes and elfs is worth reading.)

Intellectually, I understand that we all made of stardust, that we all come from the same source. Philosophically, I appreciate the common themes of hopes and fears all people share, and am able to see that we are all joined in this game of earthly existence. But, a pesky part of me cannot accept that the elfs of the world and I are engaged in the same dance. I cannot comprehend one human being inflicting pain, injury, and injustice on another.

Or maybe I lie, to myself more than to you. Maybe I have been, or am, the despicable elf to someone. Maybe there is a splash, or more, of elfness in the cocktail of me.

Then again, perhaps I can let the elfs be elfy, while I spread my eagle-wings and fly away.

And, Option 3: I can absorb both eagle and elf essence into a great ball of light,  toss it playfully from hand to hand, and see the light scatter in a rainbow around me. I can start anew upon a fresh, blank page. I can look at the world with innocent, untainted eyes.

Option 3 sounds so…enlightened, so…fancy. A beautiful end to this little blog. If only I could feel it. Instead, my cocktail is a slurry of mud and confusion. I know what I want to concoct, but some ingredients seem contaminated. I wonder: How does it get better than this?

Inspired by Lyn Thruman‘s October Writing Challenge: Writing the Wisdom of the Soul. I am exhausted and frustrated. May contemplating balance and integration bring relief.

Prompt for October 21: Harmony is possible, but we have to seek it. We have to blend, mix, do a little magic.

Imagine life as making a big cocktail and you’re the bartender. What ingredients do you add to the empty cocktail glass to achieve a perfect balance? And where would you like to be lounging back to sip this delicious mix?


Transformation, Transmutation, Release

Composure. Responsibility. Stature.

Duty, to people and source, was everything to me. The reward for exemplary execution of duties: grace. The punishment for failure: death. Ordinary death, the kind that contains within itself the freeing of the spirit and transmutation of physical elements, would have granted  release. Instead, I was mummified — preserved and bound to the earth for millennia.

I’ve come again and again, striving for rectification, not realizing that there was nothing to redress. Even though it was my body that was contained, restrained, and petrified, my soul became a knife-point that cut spontaneity and vulnerability from me. I ceased trusting myself. I encased myself in a shiny, steel pyramid, staying safe by letting nothing and no one in.

It is time to break out of what the fortress-prison I constructed, to protect myself. My enemy is revealing itself to be a phantom — false beliefs about self, source, and universe. It is time to awaken the innocence and the innocent within. Talitha, cum!


Just because you’re momentarily afraid of your own creation does not mean you’re not safe.
~ Jarrad Hewett in Love, Life, God: The Journey of Creation

Inspired by Lyn Thruman‘s October Writing Challenge: Writing the Wisdom of the Soul. I am quivering with excitement, expansion, and evolution, and preparing to experience writing for pleasure.

Prompt for October 20: Death is inevitable and inescapable (even when being fully awake and alive, death and creation are occurring on a cellular level). Sometimes we do our best to halt transition. We hold onto things that keep us in limbo because we fear the change it will bring. We leave affairs or dreams half open and half closed, which steals our energy and zaps our power. It’s better to let things go completely or breathe life into them to bring them to a conclusion.

Write about unfinished business you have.  Is it time you buried it or resurrected it?



Eye of the Energy Shift Storm


Soc_07 Eye of the Storm by ~ShadowOfSolace on DeviantArt

It has often been said that the only unchanging thing in the world is change itself. We are standing at an intersection of old energy and new, and I feel as if I’m in the eye of the storm. Everything is spinning wildly around me. I can step into the whirl, become agitated, and feel the thrill and terror of the twister. Or, I can rest in the stillness at the center. There are times when either might be the most inspired choice.

In times of upheaval, I find it helpful to reflect on already-survived unsettling times and to acknowledge that every event brought me to the wonderful place I am now, both literally and metaphorically.

In 2009, my family moved to Wisconsin. For the first time in 11 years, I was home alone consistently, for hours at a time. As part of my attempt to start a business, I was listening to a tele-seminar. The guest speaker suggested writing a book to establish expertise. As ludicrous as the idea of writing a book for such a purpose sounded, the words “write a book” illuminated the proverbial lightbulb over my head. I didn’t hear another word he said, because my mind was flooded with ideas and brightness.

The next day, a Facebook friend, a woman who lived down the street from me, shared a post about a WriteShop hosted by Julie Tallard Johnson. Julie was unknown to me, but the advertisement invited writers in all stages of writing a book to attend. And so, I did. I was the only attendee who did not have a well-formed book concept or a work in progress. All I knew was that I wanted to write something about the awesomeness of autistic people.

A few weeks later, Julie hosted another WriteShop. She described the effort and process of writing a book as a Hero’s Journey. Another new-to-me concept, the phases of the hero’s journey were a perfect framework for my journey of parenting. As she spoke, I wrote furiously in my journal. By the end of the session, I had the outline of my book. The book would not be about autistic people. Those were not my stories to tell. The book would be about the transformative journey of parenting children who are much different than the children I had expected.

And that is the story of the birth of Swan Mothers: Discovering Our True Selves by Parenting Uniquely Magnificent Children. Cover Image

In researching the metaphor I chose for this post, I discovered that the eye of the storm forms a round, cylindrical shape that extends up and above the actual storm like a tube and can be 20 to 40 miles wide. The suction action produced by the eye gives form and structure to the hurricane. In addition to transferring warm air pockets from the upper atmosphere to the eyewall, return air pockets make their way from the eyewall back into the eye. These return pockets absorb additional moisture from the ocean surface and, in effect, return to the eyewall to further raise the storm’s temperature.

My metaphor grants me understanding. While I am pinned in place by this energy shift storm, I have room to maneuver in a large area of peace and tranquility. Even when I feel isolated, constrained, and detained, the goodness of the ocean comes to me, in small, manageable packets. I have an escape route, up and out — as soon as I learn to levitate, apperate, or fly.


from OSHO’s Zen Tarot

Inspired by Lyn Thruman‘s October Writing Challenge: Writing the Wisdom of the Soul. I am expanding, evolving, shaking in my shoes, and preparing to write for pleasure.


Prompt for October 15: The Wheel of Fortune reminds us that we’re all part of a mysterious universe and how circumstances and fortune are always in motion. The Wheel of Fortune makes synchronicities happen.

Write about a time when you’ve felt that the Universe has helped you along your destiny. 

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Born to Be Wild

Tiger and Magician by SkyRe

Wild thing, I think I love you
But I wanna know for sure
Come on, hold me tight, I love you


Oh, Natalia,

How long must I walk beside you? How many images and songs must I send to your mind, before you acknowledge what you know to be true? You are a Wild Thing.

One weekend in 2011, you lay yourself bare on a ridge in New Mexico, willing to meet yourself. You received my message: grasses, flowers, and mosses are as wild as herds of stampeding caribou and bold, roaring lionesses. You felt your wildness as woman emerging from earth. You perceived that your way of being unrestrained in pursuit of pleasure was perfect for you; that bending with the wind, rushing in torrents around standing stones, and sprouting green and beautiful from between crevices, are all manifestations of wild.

Then, you forgot. Your insight was swept away by the everydayness of living, by getting lost in internet rabbit holes, by caring for children, and feeding a family. You neglected, again and again, your wild essence.

Now can be the time when your wildness emerges, grows, and blossoms. The choice is, as always, yours. You have met the challenge of rocks and stones in your path. You’ve lain dormant in drought and through long winters. Now can be the springtime of your life. You can send a shoot from the seed.

True, the sprout will be soft and fragile. The seed could have survived for millennia. For the sprout, dangers abound. Know that the sun always shines on and from those who know they are ready and worthy.

You are a Wild Thing, Natalia. You have strength and courage. You have a natural propensity to survive, grow, and bloom. But you must choose, Natalia. You must choose.

Be brave, little one. Be brave.

Your White Tiger Aspect


Wild thing, you make my heart sing
You make everything groovy, wild thing
Come on , Come on wild thing




Inspired by Lyn Thruman‘s October Writing Challenge: Writing the Wisdom of the Soul. I am expanding, evolving, shaking in my shoes, and preparing to write.

Prompt for October 13: Switch places with the lion and tap into the wildness that you normally keep controlled and placated.  Let your inner lion write a letter to explain where it needs more freedom to roam, where control could be lessened, and what the consequences could be if you follow its advice.

Tiger and Magician by SkyeRe


Lights! Keyboard! Action!

Answering the Call to Adventure with Yes! is exhilarating and freeing. It is also scary. I remind myself: I’ve done this before. I experienced an A-ha! moment (I should write a book). I followed a trail of synchronicities and joined a writers’ circle. I wrote, hundreds of words per day, for nine months. I submitted query letters. I received rejections. I self-published. I became, I am, a published author.

There are books inside me, simmering, smoldering, waiting to be written. These will be fiction. Thus, they will tell greater truths and reveal more of me (to those with eyes to see) for when the real story is too wild to tell as fact, we conceal it, we reveal it, as fantasy.

I know I can tell The Stories, but am I brave enough to do so? Perhaps it is fear that has kept me stuck, for speaking the truth has been dangerous, deadly.

I must proceed without comparing this time to times past. I desire to fulfill my potential. Write! Write! Write! my heart commands. Use your gifts. Do what comes easily. Let it come. Let it be easy. And so I proceed.

Inspired by Lyn Thruman‘s October Writing Challenge: Writing the Wisdom of the Soul. I am expanding, evolving, shaking in my shoes, and preparing to write.

Prompt for October 10: “Sometimes, lady, you have to just take the reins and be the one in control.”

Write about a time when you set your sights on something and you took control/action to make sure you came out victorious. Celebrate your success.

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Passion for Adventure

I am worthy of…


…enjoying all of my signs of prosperity.

…enlightenment. Yes, the whole, big thing.

…experiencing love, joy, and excitement.


I wrote the above in response to a self-love exercise at Magic and Wisdom. Then, I proceeded to Writing the Wisdom of the Soul by drawing cards in a diamond spread, using the OSHO Zen Tarot. My intention: Help me understand and live my passions.

I know some of my passions:

  • an amazing life partner
  • children who delight me
  • writing
  • homeopathy
  • being kind
  • evolution
  • sovereignty
  • travel
  • joyful living

I wanted the cards to reveal My Passion. And so they did.

Elucidation! My Passion is Adventure.

  • If there is a food I’ve never seen on the menu or on the farmer’s stand, I taste it.
  • I travel and explore — everywhere!
  • I read amazing, mind-expnading books.
  • I engage in inspiring and exciting exchanges of ideas.
  • I hike great, remote trails.
  • I live with the Hutsuls for months.
  • I enter my family crypt in Lviv.
  • I tremble with joy and passion.
  • I feel freedom and joy in movement.
  • I float in bliss.
  • I connect with and understand the wisdom of the World.

I embrace Infinite Possibiliteis with the trusting spirit of a child: innocent, open, and vulnerable.

The world is my home. I play.

Inspired by Lyn Thrumans October Writing Challenge: Writing the Wisdom of the Soul. I am expanding, evolving, and playing.

Prompt for October 9: “There are always choices to be made,” whispers the angel so not to disturb the naked couple who appear to be frozen. “And if you make the right choices, it leads to healing and spiritual connection.”

“How do I know if I make the right choice?” you ask.

“Passion pushes you towards it and your heart beats in time with the choice.  You let your heart decide. Your soul speaks through your heart.”

Write about your passions.  In particular, write about the passions that push your heart in directions you’re not brave enough (yet) to explore.


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I could tell you things. I’ve always been a reader. I love learning, researching, and exploring rabbit holes. I’ve written a book that weaves tales of lessons learned.

In my 45 years on the planet, I’ve studied and experimented. I know more than I once did. I gladly expose knowledge which has been hidden or obscured. The most useful things I know and write about:

Homeopathy – an astoundingly powerful technology for healing

Matrix Reimprinting – a practically magical way to transmute past experiences into gold

Creation – secrets revealed as fiction

But, I can teach you no-thing. I stand and shine. I reveal who I am. Learning is your choice, and mine.

Caer Ibormeith The Swan Maiden by Quicksilverfury Digital Art / Mixed Media / Fantasy©2008-2014 Quicksilverfury

Older posts about revealing myself:

  1. The Story of Writing a Book
  2. Revealing Myself, Libra

Inspired by Lyn Thurman‘s October Writing Challenge: Writing the Wisdom of the Soul. I am expanding, evolving, shining, and sailing away.

Prompt for October 8: The Hierophant can be the groups, organizations, religion, and culture that provide structure and mold belief systems.  However, he’s also harbours secret knowledge and the mysteries of the Universe.

Step into the role of a hierophant.  What secret knowledge and mysteries of the Universe can you share?  What can you teach?


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Embracing Wholeness

Today, I stand still and integrate the gifts of the first three days of the journey. I notice: I am complete. I have created a beautiful life.

Wholeness and awareness send strange sensations coursing through my body. My hands tingle. My head feels enormous and seems to be extending and expanding. My innards are being agitated and stirred.

It is time to trust, and leap. I know, without verification, that glory awaits. Still, letting go is terrifying.

What if everything I believe is wrong? Might I have misunderstood or misinturpreted the messages? And what if I err grievously, again? I do not want to misuse my power.

Though my mind jabbers and attempts to restrain me, I know that it is safe to jump into whatever is next. I know it is (almost) time. I am frustrated with the waiting, but soon, I will be able to use my power to create an even bigger, even more beautiful life. 

Inspired by Lyn Thruman‘s October Writing Challenge: Writing the Wisdom of the Soul. I am expanding, evolving, shining, and taking the reins in my journey.

Prompt for October 6: “I can’t help but create and be abundant. I nurture and nourish. It’s what I do, babe,” the Empress explains in her soothing lullaby-voice. “You’re not unlike me, you know. You’ve got a miracle-maker kit, you know your potential and when you put them together,” she pauses and waves her arms, pointing around the garden, “well, you get this.”

Write about how you already experience the gifts of The Empress in your life.  How does she already nurture and provide?